To me, "cock" or "dick" are crude or not depending majorly on who's speaking. For Spike and Buffy, it's hot. Spike was *made* to go around making words like "cock" and "cunt" sound unbelievably sexy. But that's because Spike's kind of crude any way. With other characters, not so much I find.

Also, I am just wary of euphemisms in general, and especially in sex writing. Just say it--the simpler the better. Things like "hard member" or whatever just end up being silly (that one in particular always has me going, "Member of what?")

I have the same problem. I didn't really expect to get anything useful out of this post, but there was always the slim hope that someone might inform me of the brilliant and perfect word I'd never thought of before that manages to be romantic without being crude or ridiculous.