timepiececlock: (Eowyn like wind)
timepiececlock ([personal profile] timepiececlock) wrote2003-11-10 10:27 pm

ok. Here it is.

I kinda cheated. It has 14 lines, the correct rhyme pattern, and is indeed written in iambic pentameter. However, the traditional order of ideas & follow-up content has been sadly neglected to make way for free-form imagination, if not meter.


Wriggle and tumble out into this sea
of damp scraggly grasses and faraway sky,
of brown weeds and shoots that brush-kiss your knee
and drop earth down your ankles from wind passers-by.
Watch out for brambles and roots that will trip,
swat back bold ticks and admire the way
light can fall through in a stream from a rip
in afternoon clouds of swallowing grey
to circle that tree atop a brown hill,
from beneath turn December to August
where an eight-summer girl stood and was thrilled.
How lonely children are nature's fondest,
moved sincere by a stroke in color of
each piece vein by vein that burned from above.

[identity profile] xanphibian.livejournal.com 2003-11-10 10:30 pm (UTC)(link)
Very nice. I like it a lot. :)
ext_10182: Anzo-Berrega Desert (Default)

[identity profile] rashaka.livejournal.com 2003-11-10 10:35 pm (UTC)(link)
thanks!

[identity profile] pixiewildfire.livejournal.com 2003-11-11 08:05 am (UTC)(link)
That was so pretty... I'm a freestyle poet myself but woah, i couldn't do anything like that. Congrats to you m'dear
ext_10182: Anzo-Berrega Desert (Default)

[identity profile] rashaka.livejournal.com 2003-11-11 12:03 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks. Freestyle is so much easier, isn't it? But I guess there's a certain charm for the difficulty of sonnets.
cavalaxis: (Default)

[personal profile] cavalaxis 2003-11-11 08:26 am (UTC)(link)
Very nice, m'dear. Very nice indeed.
ext_10182: Anzo-Berrega Desert (Default)

[identity profile] rashaka.livejournal.com 2003-11-11 12:05 pm (UTC)(link)
thank you! [whines]Sonnets are hard, you know? And our teacher wants us to write a sestina in groups in class tomorrow... ye gods we're only human...[/whine]
cavalaxis: (Default)

[personal profile] cavalaxis 2003-11-11 12:16 pm (UTC)(link)
Sonnets are very hard. But you grow to love them. They're addictive.