ficlet thing - Avatar 2x08

[timepiececlock]

I wrote this last night. I haven't put it up on ff.net because I think it kinda sucks dead eggs.

And I hate the title.

And I'm not sure what the point is.


http://community.livejournal.com/rashaka_fiction/4707.html (SPOILERS - Avatar 2x08)


The following rant has been cross-posted below, so that you can read about my angst without having to spoil yourself or even read it if A:TLAB is not one of your known fandoms:


See? See that? It sucks. Even the parts I like, I'm not that wild about. And looking at all the parts I don't like, I can't even imagine fixing them; I just want to scrub them out entirely.

Plus, I really *really* think my ability to have a variety of sentence structure is going down the toilet. All my sentences sound the same to me these days and they all sound boring.

This disgruntlement has been present for months. I feel like I've fallen into bad writing habits (for example, always putting things in threes) that on their own aren't a problem but when I do it continuously all my fics start to sound the same to me, and I begin to fear I'm actually re-using phrases. I haven't caught myself doing it yet, but some internal part of me wonders.

I know every writer has their own style, but I think my style's changed considerably over the years since I started writing fanfic and not all the changes have been for the better. On the plus side, my stuff now is better than my stuff four years ago; I have a better grasp of story structure and pace, for one thing. On the negative side, I think I have less daring sentence structure and a certain flatness of tone. ((I'm speaking mostly about my general to dramatic fics here, since I use a different style completely for humor/parody.))


I think it also differs from fandom to fandom. Like, my Naruto fics don't annoy me as much as my Avatar fics do. And my Buffy fics annoy me for the same reason my Avatar fics do, but are counterbalanced by the fact that I think I had better vocabulary in my BTVS fics than the current stuff I'm writing.

It's all very confusing and frustrating.

Maybe it's because it's been so long since I sat down to read good fiction? All I read these days are textbooks and fanfic. While it gives me spelling and grammar practice, that can't be doing anything but slowly sapping my writing abilities of anything resembling a sexy turn of phrase. ---See! Right there! I used "anything" twice in the same sentence!

I'm highly disatisfied.

Comments

[mswyrr]

A published writer (matociquala) on my friendslist says that it's actually a good thing when you feel dissatisfied (wait! hear me out). She says that writing isn't one technique, but many, and once we've gotten good enough that we internalize one or two of the many techniques, our brains stop focusing on what we're doing right and start focusing on the stuff we're doing wrong, so we *feel* like we're at the beginning again, but we're not. We're just at the beginning of the next phase.

Personally, I'd like to believe that, but I'm stuck in the doldroms myself. Everything I write feels like a blurry, faint xerox of a xerox. I've forgotten how to leave words out, which ones to pick up and which to throw away. I was writing a scene lastnight, and I couldn't figure out how to say that the guy speaking was... impassioned, intense, earnest, fervent, painfully sincere. I used practically all those words, exchanging one out for another and then another, and it still felt like the guy was talking in monotone. Good writers can say that a woman's lips tensed, and you *know* what's up with her. I'm throwing words at the reader like confetti, hoping something sticks in his hair.

And writing scenes that group things in threes has become my kryptonite, Achilles' heel, and great flaw.

::looks back over sentence:: ::counts:: See??? ;)

[jakia.livejournal.com]

Well, *I* don't think it sucks.

You'd be surprised at what different people think about what you like. For example, my drabble series? I put up a lot of crap there--or at least, it seems like crap to me because I know what I originally wanted in it, and I'm mad at myself because it's not how I wanted it. You'd be surprised at how many times I've absolutely hated a drabble, yet I get reviews all the time going "OMG THAT WAS THE BEST ONE EVER!!" Crazy.

Also, got another one to put on your 'never thought I'd see in a children's show' list:

Murder.

Because, dude, if Iroh dies, then Azula (who's fifteen) murdered him. And that's not a light subject--especially since she doesn't seem to have any remorse about it.

[rashaka.livejournal.com]

For example, my drabble series? I put up a lot of crap there--or at least, it seems like crap to me because I know what I originally wanted in it, and I'm mad at myself because it's not how I wanted it. You'd be surprised at how many times I've absolutely hated a drabble, yet I get reviews all the time going "OMG THAT WAS THE BEST ONE EVER!!" Crazy.

I'm not surprised by that, actually. YOu've got nearly 70, right? No way you could love them all the same. And as an oberver, I agree that some of them aren't as strong as the others. I wouldn't say any of them sucked outright ("suck" has a pretty strict definition for me, involving lots of things like grammar and characerization rape), but you certainly had your okay drabbles, your fairly decent drabbles, your good drabbles, and your great drabbles. I'm actuallly more impressed by your volume and constancy than anything else, because 70 is quite amazing to me. My longest drabble series so far was only 29 drabbles, for Harry Potter fandom.


Because, dude, if Iroh dies, then Azula (who's fifteen) murdered him. And that's not a light subject--especially since she doesn't seem to have any remorse about it.

Hadn't thought about it, but you're right. We don't see murder, especially a form of patricide, used between two signigificant characters on a Nick show.

[jakia.livejournal.com]

I'm not surprised by that, actually. YOu've got nearly 70, right?

69 and counting. :)

No, what amuses me the most is when I put up a drabble that I absolutely HATE, and I want it to die, and I think it's one of the worst drabbles I've ever written, other people love it and think it's the best thing I've written. (You're guilty of this, too, actually--for example, "Tealeaves". Hated it when I wrote it, felt I did a horrible, horrible job with it, but you seemed to like it.)

What really makes, I dunno if 'mad' is the right word or not, but aggravated works, is when I write a drabble I love, I think it's wonderful and great, and...

no one else likes it. :(

[rashaka.livejournal.com]

I'm sort of with you: I'd love to think "this is the next step in my GREAT EVOLUTION!", but sadly I just think I'm backpedalling. Still, I'll keep it as a theory to make myself feel better. :wink:

I've forgotten how to leave words out, which ones to pick up and which to throw away.

Exactly.

I used practically all those words, exchanging one out for another and then another, and it still felt like the guy was talking in monotone. Good writers can say that a woman's lips tensed, and you *know* what's up with her. I'm throwing words at the reader like confetti, hoping something sticks in his hair.
And writing scenes that group things in threes has become my kryptonite, Achilles' heel, and great flaw.

Your explanation here with the lip example leaked into a line in the drabble I wrote today:

The corners of Zuko's mouth creased downward. "I learned to speak, I learned when not to speak, I learned to fight with Azula every time I felt like speaking. That should explain enough."


Sadly, I still fell into the trap of threes. I think I only did it once in the drabble, though, so that's progress.