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Dear homeowner of days past who paid the tiler of days past to refit the downstairs bathroom:

Wherever you are, I hope toilet paper clings to your shoe. I hope birds poop on your hat. I hope grass gets into your carpet!

I hope you have hangnails.

I will never forgive you for putting tile grout instead of maleable caulk at the base of our downstairs toilet bowl.

Never forgive! Never forget!

An hour ago these two guys came to the door, around 11:40pm. My brother answered, and apparently they were looking for some woman, and kept asking for her to be brought to the door. My brother kept telling them that no "Amanda" lived here, and to go away. After about five or six minutes (a pretty long while, in Porch Conversation Time), they left. They were polite but insistent, and my brother handled it pretty well. They never threated anything, but still... it's REALLY late at night for people to drop by hunting someone. My brother, my dad, and myself had a discussion about it. My brother thought they wanted to collect information for some kind of credit debt ("He had a clipboard.") and I wondered if it was some kind of personal relationship gone sour. They seemed surprised to find out out we'd lived at this address for three years.

ShakaDad: Maybe he was a bounty hunter.
ShakaBro: Yeah, huh... maybe.
ShakaDad: You probably wouldn't have been able to turn him away, if he were.
Rashaka: Unless he was scoping us out?
ShakaDad: Nah. ...Was he a big guy?
ShakaBro: No...well, there were two of them.
Rashaka: Really? [I hadn't known that from where I was eavesdropping]
ShakaBro: Yeah. They were wearing gloves.
Rashaka: Oh, that's creepy.*
ShakaDad: **heads outside, to porch, to scan for strange vehicles on the street**
Rashaka: What kind?
ShakaBro: I don't know.
Rashaka: Fingerless?
ShakaBro: It doesn't matter.
Rashaka: Still, both with gloves. That's creepy.

Rashaka: **follows ShakaDad outside toward sidewalk**
Rashaka: Two by two, hands of blue.
ShakaDad: Heheh. *snicker*
Rashaka: *grin* You with me, there?
ShakaDad: Yes.


We didn't see any strange cars, so we shrugged and went back inside. The whole scenario was strange.


*Re: gloves. We live in Southern California and it's about 75 or 80 degrees here at night in summer. Nobody wears gloves except for villainous purposes.

I'm 2/3rds of the way through, about when the main characters are trolling a sci-fi fantasy literary con, and I am... ambivalent. My mom got it for me for Christmas, and I read the back and thought it sounded neat, too.

Princess of Wands seems to divided into two, possibly three, small novellas, with individual but successive plots, involving the same main characters but a changing cast of minor characters. I wasn't impressed with the first one, which I can summarize with a headline: "Tentacle monster raping prostitutes defeated by ninja supermom." Sounds like a great parody, right? Too bad the book is taking it seriously.

The main characters feels very Mary Sue-ish to me; she's an interesting idea but her skills are taken past the point of cool to the point of annoying. The one thing I like about her-- her devoted religious faith-- is the most interesting thing about her character but the most annoying thing about the author's style. There's something in the writing that is... not quite proselytizing, but not quite not. The author makes a great of show for including other religions and other faiths, and indeed has made the heroine's acceptance of other faiths as part of the subplots, but I don't always like how he characterizes other faiths. There's something vaguely patronizing about it.

I'm also not thrilled with his characterization of women. ( More on this, only vague plot spoilers, less than what you'd get from a book jacket )

HOWEVER, that's not to say that I hate the book. There are a couple of minor things I like about it. The reason I'm kind of enjoying the last 70 pages is that the characters are currently infiltrating a fandom convention, and the author seems to be very familiar with fen culture. I suspect that's why the whole story sounds like something written by a fanboy... it probably was written by a fanboy. (and there's a reason the term is fan"boy" instead of "man".) Still, stupid assumptions and cliches aside, reading about a bunch of people infiltrating a convention is amusing, as you can imagine. For anyone who's ever been to a con (Fanime Con 3 times, myself) there's a certain verve and energy about it that comes across in the writing from even a mediocre writer. I kind of wish the whole book had been set in this wacky environment; I've been in fandom enough to know that there are pretty hilarious and original characters in fandom culture, and a murder-mystery set at a SF con would be entertaining, if it were well-written and done in a way that was respectful, not didactic (as it is here, a bit.) Something akin to the way the film Dogma treats Catholicism, I think. Something like that, I would love to read.

This book? I'll finish it. But I doubt I'll read another by the author. His narrative is decent and balanced, but lacks any real thrill, beauty, or imagination. And a mediocre narrative with characters I'm not impressed by and a plot that's so far a bad dream of Tomb Raider meets X Files... nah.

Oh, and the reviewer on the back cover who compared this to Buffy? I could kick you. I could kick you IN THE BALLS. [I know you have them.] This is not what Buffy is about, and Joss Whedon, for all his flaws, can still write women in ways that are worlds more interesting and complicated than this.

I reread Another Wolf, which is so good but OMFGWRONG at the same time. Because really, teenagers with older men is usually a squick for me. On account of it being illegal and gross (which is why I still haven't read Lolita yet). But here I got sucked into the OMFGWRONG of it, and what do you know. Still as good a fanfic as it was when I read it a year ago. I blame it on really quality writing and expert use of tension in a scene. (FYI, this fic is only PG-13, and is pretty subtle, more about anticipation than event. )

I am painfully aware that most KakaSaku fic is probably not of such high quality, and most of it will probably make me want to roll my eyes or barf. But it hit a kink for me, today. And it is the first one I've read for this pairing-- the only other one I read had them both as adults. But it hit a nerve. So I browsed some of the reviews and picked out people who wrote intelligent responses, then I trolled their favorites lists. This is usually how I browse Fanfiction.net.

http://www.asherida.net/kakasaku/fiction.html
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2390706/1/


http://community.livejournal.com/kakasaku/242731.html

http://naruto.adultfanfiction.net/authors.php?no=1296795102

http://naruto.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=544214293

http://naruto.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600000025

http://naruto.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=544183789
http://naruto.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600005535
http://naruto.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600090219

http://naruto.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=544203065




Naruto/Sakura:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2393153/1/
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2790223/1/
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2805179/1/
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1880777/1/

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2348777/1/
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3069422/1/

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2182992/1/
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2252655/1/

Like many things ingestible, Red Bull gets slightly less disgusting with every can. The taste of liquid Smarties can be tolerated if you get it cold enough before hand, and if you drink it very fast you can almost convince yourself that it's actually going to do its revolting work to keep you awake, thereby justifying its revoltingly expensive purchase.

I've mentioned this before, but I don't get brain freezes. When I eat something really cold, I get a stabbing pain between my shoulder blades. Like a pre-chilled knife in my back.

Scientists have discovered that when something cold touches the roof of your mouth, nerve endings shoot up warnings to other nerves that are in charge of protecting your brain. These other nerves work instantly to get your brain back to a normal temperature of 98.6ºF by stretching the blood vessels in your head, eventually causing the headache after 30 to 60 seconds of eating or drinking.

Tadeusz F. Poplawski, M.D.
Child & Adult Neurology and Durham Regional Hospital
http://www.durhamregional.org/healthlibrary/kids/brainfreeze


I knew it! You know what this means? This means the nerves that are supposed to be sending warnings to my brain are sending them to my spinal cord. Or back muscles, or something. But the main point? I'm wired wrong. I always suspected this (indeed the kids in grade school warned me of as much, the little buggers.)

Every doctor I've ever asked has shrugged me off, probably on account of it happening for years and not having any adverse effect except weirdness. I figure I'm either an alien (nobody but me likes that theory, them folk of little imaginations!), or just wired a bit differently. Either way, people look at you oddly if you go "GAAH!" and arch your back like a seizure when you drink a smoothie.

So, I've had numerous nightmares before about my teeth falling out.

At the moment, my nightmares are practically reality.

Let me explain:

I broke my two front teeth when I was a kid. Fell off a bike or something. Anyway, I've had plastic bonds put on them all my childhood. The last ones I had done at least 9 years ago, and bonds are supposed to last 4-5 years. So I talked to my dentist about it and my parents and I decided that while I was still on their insurance before graduation I should get my teeth fixed in a more permanent way. On one front tooth I'm getting a veneer, on the other (more broken) tooth, a crown. That was decided about a month ago.

On Thrusday evening she carved up my two front teeth and made a mold, then made temporary plastic bonds to serve for the two weeks while my porceline crowns are being made.

Yesterday, Saturday, they were wiggling a fraction, and I could swear blood from when I brushed my teeth (my gums were still swollen from the operation) was leaking BEHIND the plastic. Last night I was eating something and they popped halfway off. Today, I was eating a really soft sandwhich (the softest I could get!) and they popped all the way off in my mouth: the two plastic teeth covers, as a connected unit. Gross!

It felt like my teeth were falling out. With them gone, I could feel my real teeth with my tongue and they felt broken, smaller. Which of course they are. So I immediately shoved the temporaries back on over my teeth. They stay pretty well as long as I don't try to eat anything... I think the suction is what pulls them off.

I'd emailed my dentist last night and I called her just now. The building's closed on Sundays so the soonest I can come in is Monday--- I have a 7am appointment.

I guess I'm on a liquid diet until then. I can't wait for these two weeks to be over. Then I won't have to bother with my front teeth for a good 15 years.

That, or it creaks. Creaks something awful. Like, A COUPLE FRICKIN' TIMES A DAY.

What are these creaks like? Well, they sound more less exactly someone heavy-footed stepped on a creaky part of the floor. I've grown up with that sound all my life; my dad's a big guy so sometimes if he steps quickly a random floorboard creaks. This sounds exactly like that.

I am most definitely the only one in the house right now. And every other time this happens. Which is often.

Sometimes there's another sound, vaguely like the grinding clunk noise of a washing machine jiggling or something. I've since ruled that out as the sound of my neighbor getting into his outside shed-- the shed door makes about that sound.

But the creaking? No explanation yet. Since I heard it first a few months ago, I've come up with and dismissed various possibilities.


What would Scully say?

Outside noise or neighbor movement: comes from the wrong place in the hous to be that.

The icemaker in the fridge making noise: it never comes from the kitchen, usually the hallway. and the icemaker has a different sound, more clunk and cranking gears than floor creaking.

Wind somehow reaching down through the absurdly high roof to make the low ceiling creak: I would have bought this in our San Jose house, but here that's just silly. We don't get wind in Irvine. We get breezes. Breezes range from "dainty" to "brisk", but they're never in their wildest dreams going to wind. Especially not the kind of wind that makes houses creak.

Air conditioner making noise: This one seemed to hold for a while-- except that the air conditioner isn't on all the time. So cross that off the list.

Pipes and plumbing and/or hot water heater: Currently my favorite, though I have no idea why noises from the hot water heater might sound like weight falling on the floor in the hallway. And, I recently learned that this house doesn't have a crawlspace between the floor and the foundation/ground, like our last house did. Just cement. So how exactly would the pipes be making this noise loud enough for me to hear it? Dunno. Also rules out the possibility of anything living under the house making the noise.


What would Mulder say?

I'm being haunted: by a heavy-stepping person who seems to like walking in the hallway. Or randomly jumping just once to make noise and then stopping, just to frustrate me.

someone's crashing at my house with an invisibility cloak (tm HP) or an SEP Field (tm Douglas Adams): My parents obviously don't notice because they dismiss it as "Somebody Else's Problem", and unfortunately I'm the lucky SEP recipient.

The house is alive: and apparently is doing one of two things: A) expressing its love for me though creaky non-threatening noises for my ears alone, or B) slowly trying to drive me nuts very very slowly through inane frustration and really random annoyance factor.

I'm making it creak subconsciously through telekinesis: because... well, fuck if I know why I'd do something like that.


Oh well. I'll only be living here until August, then they can have it's creaking walls all to themselves.

[Poll #510844]

Tonight's episode of WHR... An Exaggerated Recap

Robin is irresponsible with Big Manly Bike She's Too Young For, gets trampled on by the rain gods for her secret heathen ways, and is forced to steal an umbrella to survive the night. Rain gods hate pyromaniacs, you know.

Innocent Victim #1, now umbrellaless, dies in a car wreck after she gets a wasp in her eye and thinks it looks suspiciously like a Barbie doll with a cookie cutter.
( Read more... )

. The End .