timepiececlock: (Spy no Jutsu)
About two weeks ago I fixed our toilet. It was leaking and I had to replace the valve. I was kind of excited to do it, actually, sort of to prove to myself I still could. I learned basic plumbing for six weeks in August 2007 while doing New Orleans reconstruction work with AmeriCorps and the St. Bernard Project; I was on their plumbing team. But I haven't really done anything with that since then... luckily because nothing until now has broken down and need fixing.

But this time the valve was shot in the downstairs bathroom, and someone had to fix it, so I had a little nostalgia doing that. The process was ridiculously easy (plumbing is not that complicated, when you understand the basic concept of pipes being under pressure), just within a small space and hard to reach or maneuver the tools.

I had to turn the water off first, of course. I said, "Well, it's probably this valve here that's the problem, but we can't know for sure until I take it apart. It could be the hose, or where the hose connects to the tank, or even the pip that's coming out of the wall. I'm pretty sure it's the valve, though. If it leaks, then we'll know. I'll be able to tell by where it leaks from. After I replace the valve, I'll leave a pan underneath to catch water if it does leak."

My mom asked "Why do assume it's going to leak? Or not work when you replace it?"

That was a difficult question to answer, since the answer basically amounts to "Because it's ALWAYS something else and it's NEVER just the valve," but explaining why I'm pessimistic from the start and also why I feel the need to detail my pessimistic theories of "all the ways it could go wrong" before even starting the fixing process... really only makes sense if you've ever done a major plumbing practice. Or, possibly, an electrician's job. Or something to the equivalent. It's hardly EVER the first thing, and there's always another problem, and at worst you might have to solder something behind a wall, or you might flood your house, and either way it's going to take two and a half times as long as you originally estimated.

Since I've had the memorable experience of being working on a copper pipe when the pressure sent a metal valve shooting past my ear at about 3 quadbillion miles an hour (and proceeded to flood the bathroom in a long-suffering client's house), explaining why plumbing is ABOUT being pessimistic, how it becomes second nature, is a bit weird. It just is. I had to memorize the four rules of the trade:

1. Cold on the right.
2. Hot on the left.
3. Shit goes down.
4. The boss is an asshole.

That's the rules of plumbing, verbatim. I was lucky because the guy supervising me wasn't an asshole...he was a Canadian whose RL job when not doing Katrina reconstruction was to be a professional golfer. I actually chose to be the plumbing team rather than to lead volunteers in things like drywall or paint, because I wanted a useful skill, and one that I didn't already know. I figure that it's got to be worth something to know that, should the need arise, I can fix my own shower. Even if I have to tear out my wall to get to the pipes do it, I can fix or replace my own shower until I get hot running water. I hope I never forget that, either.Now, a year later, it looks like most of it stuck with me.
timepiececlock: (Edward on drugs)
I've mentioned this before, but I don't get brain freezes. When I eat something really cold, I get a stabbing pain between my shoulder blades. Like a pre-chilled knife in my back.

Scientists have discovered that when something cold touches the roof of your mouth, nerve endings shoot up warnings to other nerves that are in charge of protecting your brain. These other nerves work instantly to get your brain back to a normal temperature of 98.6ºF by stretching the blood vessels in your head, eventually causing the headache after 30 to 60 seconds of eating or drinking.

Tadeusz F. Poplawski, M.D.
Child & Adult Neurology and Durham Regional Hospital
http://www.durhamregional.org/healthlibrary/kids/brainfreeze



I knew it! You know what this means? This means the nerves that are supposed to be sending warnings to my brain are sending them to my spinal cord. Or back muscles, or something. But the main point? I'm wired wrong. I always suspected this (indeed the kids in grade school warned me of as much, the little buggers.)

Every doctor I've ever asked has shrugged me off, probably on account of it happening for years and not having any adverse effect except weirdness. I figure I'm either an alien (nobody but me likes that theory, them folk of little imaginations!), or just wired a bit differently. Either way, people look at you oddly if you go "GAAH!" and arch your back like a seizure when you drink a smoothie.
timepiececlock: (Jin practices brooding SouthPark)
Recently I had a conversation in passing about religion. I mentioned my lack of it. I've had this sort of conversation before. Unfortunately, I never get asked the question I want to get asked. The question that I think would explain my views on religion and my personality in one nice round package.

"What would it take to make you believe there's a God?"

I know that a true believer wouldn't ask that question because the point of faith isn't what you get out of it. But I wish someone would ask me anyway.

I imagine the conversation would go much like this:

Believer: What would it take to make you believe there's a God?
Rashaka: Easy. It would take one well-written, gush-worthy, exciting multichapter Firefly/Cowboy Bebop crossover, with a minimum of 100,000 words, using all major characters, with implied Spike/Faye, Mal/Inara, and Simon/Kaylee, and basically being one of the best action/adventure/drama fics I'd ever read.
Believer: That's it?
Rashaka: No. The upcoming Ender's Game movie would be the most kick-ass film ever. It would blow away all my expectations, break my heart, capture the spirit of the novel, and be perfectly cast, directed, and written. And not kiddified in the least.
Believer: That's it?
Rashaka: No. The Dark Tower novels would get the same exact treatment, with Hugh Jackman cast as Roland of Gilead.
Believer: Anything else?
Rashaka: Full Metal Alchemist would be made into a live-action English-speaking tv show, funded by HBO, and perfectly cast and perfectly directed and it would win every Emmy out there and be the biggest television success in history.
Believer: Done yet?
Rashaka: Not at all. The Hitchhiker's Guide film would be remade and it would not suck. Everything would be different, except the actors for Ford and Arthur. They'd be in the remake because they were awesome.
Believer: That's never going to happen.
Rashaka: Yeah, I know. Sad, isn't it?
Believer: God works in small miracles. You have unrealistic expectations.
Rashaka: God is an unrealistic expectation.
Believer: I agree. That's the whole point. Though we like the term "superrealistic," or even better, "divine."
Rashaka: I still think I'll pass.
Believer: ...
Rashaka: ...
Believer: ...
Rashaka: The Ender's Game movie is doomed, isn't it?
Believer: Probably.
Rashaka: Damn.

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