timepiececlock (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timepiececlock) wrote2002-10-02 01:24 pm
timepiececlock) wrote2002-10-02 01:24 pm
further thinking
I thought about 'Beneath Me' all morning. It ran through my head like instant play-back. I was sitting in a too-small desk in Statistics when the "service the girl" scne went through my brain, and I nearly threw up. Right there in class. I had to grab my mouth, and swallow some water.
The entire ending was amazingly dramatic-- but that part only seems worse every tiem I think about it. When I rewatched it this morning before school, I muted those few lines cause i couldn't bear to hear his voice say that. Him starting to unzip his pants cause he thought that's what she wanted-- because its always what she wanted-- it makes me physically ill.
He was like a person who's been a slave, who's been thoroughly convinced through conditioningthat this disgusting 'use' is his purpose, his reason for existance. He sees Buffy touch him again, and he wants to please-- to do something right-- is sadly eager because its his 'job' to the Slayer--what he does for her.
The thought of anyone reduced to that--- the idea that a person could willfully reduce another person to that...its abhorrent to me. Abhorrent and repulsive, more so with every moment than the attempted date-rape. I think this is because I can imagine being attacked like Buffy was, and I can imagine survivng and getting over it. What Spike's become though, the way Buffy made him to be through manipulation, abuse, conditioning, irresponsibility and neglect-- is that something you get over? He's been driven mad. To be objectified and mistreated so badly that soon you are fully convinced that you are a toy, an object, a thing owned and used for sex. He sees himself as belonging to her, like a pet, a doll, a toaster.
I know this was hinted at somewhat last year, but its become painfully clear now. It makes me sick. I want to go look at Buffy and say:
"You're not a hero! You're not nice, or good! Look at what you've done! Look at your --creation. All he did was try to be good like you, try to do right like people are supposed to, and you ruined that, you've destroyed him! Are you happy; does this please you that you did this to a sentient, emotional being you SICK FUCK! You stupid, wasteful, selfish excuse for a human being!"
...And then I want to cry for Buffy, too.
The entire ending was amazingly dramatic-- but that part only seems worse every tiem I think about it. When I rewatched it this morning before school, I muted those few lines cause i couldn't bear to hear his voice say that. Him starting to unzip his pants cause he thought that's what she wanted-- because its always what she wanted-- it makes me physically ill.
He was like a person who's been a slave, who's been thoroughly convinced through conditioningthat this disgusting 'use' is his purpose, his reason for existance. He sees Buffy touch him again, and he wants to please-- to do something right-- is sadly eager because its his 'job' to the Slayer--what he does for her.
The thought of anyone reduced to that--- the idea that a person could willfully reduce another person to that...its abhorrent to me. Abhorrent and repulsive, more so with every moment than the attempted date-rape. I think this is because I can imagine being attacked like Buffy was, and I can imagine survivng and getting over it. What Spike's become though, the way Buffy made him to be through manipulation, abuse, conditioning, irresponsibility and neglect-- is that something you get over? He's been driven mad. To be objectified and mistreated so badly that soon you are fully convinced that you are a toy, an object, a thing owned and used for sex. He sees himself as belonging to her, like a pet, a doll, a toaster.
I know this was hinted at somewhat last year, but its become painfully clear now. It makes me sick. I want to go look at Buffy and say:
"You're not a hero! You're not nice, or good! Look at what you've done! Look at your --creation. All he did was try to be good like you, try to do right like people are supposed to, and you ruined that, you've destroyed him! Are you happy; does this please you that you did this to a sentient, emotional being you SICK FUCK! You stupid, wasteful, selfish excuse for a human being!"
...And then I want to cry for Buffy, too.
no subject
But the thing is, the reason why I can still look at Buffy and feel terrible for her, is that I really do get the feeling from that last scene, from her reactions to certain words and phrases of his, that she *knows* it now. She knows that she's to blame for all of his suffering, and the tears on her face in the end of that episode prove to me.
Okay. Going home now to watch again. Obsession rears its ugly head once more.
no subject
Yeah.... I know. That's why I said at the end... it makes me mad beyond imagining, and yet I still want to cry for Buffy too.
HAh--sugoi! Isn't this season gonna be the coolest EVER?
no subject
Absolutely. I posted basically the same thing Monday on BAPS and in my BY review. Frankly, she's going to have to work hard to undo all the damage she's done. I don't know if she can do it. I want her to try, and succeed but. . .
Re:
Preach it, Sister!
"You're not a hero! You're not nice, or good! Look at what you've done!
Yes. Exactly! ::sigh:: Another year of being addicted to a show where I hate hate hate the main character. Crap.
Re: Preach it, Sister!
I'm actually much calmer now. Though I'd love to know what she'd do/say if someone did confront her, championing Spike's multi-layered, multi-situational abuse instead of her single incident.
But I can't hate Buffy... because I cried with her at the end of Beneath You. ((--I'm pretty sure the title's 'Beneath You', not 'Me' now)) And I believie Spike and Buffy can be happy together, eventuallly. And they both deserve happiness (though Buffy deserves a good chewing-out first and to be knocked off her pedestal, and Spike deserves a certain amount of suffering for murders past))... but in the end, I want them to be happy.
Now that I've had a full day to absorb and discuss the ep, I'm actually very pleased with it. It had everything I wanted with Spike's return that I was sure they were gonna hold out on-- Buffy's finally realizing (in the last 5 minutes) some of her responsibility in Spike's situation, Spike wants to be good and is still in love with her, and Xander was shockingly mature when Spike appeared out of nowhere.
It has to have been good-- it completely upset me. I was clearly emotionally affected. ::sigh::: Joss is so wonderful...
..and I know this has gone on a bit too long, but one more thing: when are you gonna update Glimpses? I LOVE that fanfic.
Re: Preach it, Sister!
See, I don't really think she was crying because her heart was breaking for Spike. The look on her face....I saw shock, not repentance. Annie keeps telling me wait for an episode or two and I'll change my mind. I hope so.
I believe that Spike deserves happiness. He's on the crappy part of the hero's journey, and he's still got a long way to go to get back (and - hey! where are his spirit helpers? I know too much about religious topics, that's all there is to it.). Buffy? Buffy doesn't deserve to be happy. Buffy deserves a swift kick in the ass and a lecture on entitlement.
Buffy's finally realizing (in the last 5 minutes) some of her responsibility in Spike's situation,
That remains to be seen. What's important is how she treats him in front of her friends/family. Because, remember, she was gentle and sweet with him in "Lessons", when they were alone. In front of Xander and Dawn? Cold and hateful and dismissive. She's still pulling that season 6 crap. That little tell is the lynchpin preventing me from interpreting the church scene differently, you know?
..and I know this has gone on a bit too long, but one more thing: when are you gonna update Glimpses? I LOVE that fanfic.
::grin:: Thanks. It's finished, complete, done. :) You can see it at www.allaboutspike.com or ff.net (till the 12th, when I'm deleting the story because of their stupid new NC-17 policy).
Re: Preach it, Sister!
Ah well. Whether its a sequel or just somethin new, I hope you put out more Buffy fic soon.
Yeah... I'm also frantically wondering what will happen next episode. After a revelation like BY's... will they take up in the church, and we can see how it ended? Or will it flash forward a week in time, and leave us unsatisfied? Or will it take place a week ahead, with either Buffy or Spike flahsing back on whatever way he got off the cross before burning to death slowly?
::Shakes head::... I want it to take place immediately after, but they probably won't do it. I've learned to expect the lowest from Joss, that way his surprises are all the sweeter.
Re: Preach it, Sister!
Well, I've got a similar fic set in season 4 simmering in the back of my head, but it has to wait its turn behind the werewolf story I might be able to sell. :) In it, Spike and Buffy will also not quite have sex.
Yeah... I'm also frantically wondering what will happen next episode.
I'm really looking forward to it and wondering how I'll have the strength to resist Annie's spoilage.
Re: Preach it, Sister!
Werewolves are cool... selling your writing is even cooler.
I'm really looking forward to it and wondering how I'll have the strength to resist Annie's spoilage.
Be strong! I resisted numerous spoiler temptations on other people's livejournals for Beneath You, and now I SO glad I did. The whole episode was such a complete shock... its not worth it spoil yourself for stuff, cause you miss out on the beauty of it. You don't get the full impact. I was kind of gradually spoiled for the Africa tests/reward thing last season... unintentionally through numerous fanfics that weren't labeled correctly for spoilers. And therefore I wasn't as surprised... I didn't relish it as much. Though the soul factor was a bit of a shock.
Anyway, you should resist spoilers. Spoilers are EEEEEEEEvil.
~Rashaka :)