further thinking
Oct. 2nd, 2002 01:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
timepiececlockI thought about 'Beneath Me' all morning. It ran through my head like instant play-back. I was sitting in a too-small desk in Statistics when the "service the girl" scne went through my brain, and I nearly threw up. Right there in class. I had to grab my mouth, and swallow some water.
The entire ending was amazingly dramatic-- but that part only seems worse every tiem I think about it. When I rewatched it this morning before school, I muted those few lines cause i couldn't bear to hear his voice say that. Him starting to unzip his pants cause he thought that's what she wanted-- because its always what she wanted-- it makes me physically ill.
He was like a person who's been a slave, who's been thoroughly convinced through conditioningthat this disgusting 'use' is his purpose, his reason for existance. He sees Buffy touch him again, and he wants to please-- to do something right-- is sadly eager because its his 'job' to the Slayer--what he does for her.
The thought of anyone reduced to that--- the idea that a person could willfully reduce another person to that...its abhorrent to me. Abhorrent and repulsive, more so with every moment than the attempted date-rape. I think this is because I can imagine being attacked like Buffy was, and I can imagine survivng and getting over it. What Spike's become though, the way Buffy made him to be through manipulation, abuse, conditioning, irresponsibility and neglect-- is that something you get over? He's been driven mad. To be objectified and mistreated so badly that soon you are fully convinced that you are a toy, an object, a thing owned and used for sex. He sees himself as belonging to her, like a pet, a doll, a toaster.
I know this was hinted at somewhat last year, but its become painfully clear now. It makes me sick. I want to go look at Buffy and say:
"You're not a hero! You're not nice, or good! Look at what you've done! Look at your --creation. All he did was try to be good like you, try to do right like people are supposed to, and you ruined that, you've destroyed him! Are you happy; does this please you that you did this to a sentient, emotional being you SICK FUCK! You stupid, wasteful, selfish excuse for a human being!"
...And then I want to cry for Buffy, too.
The entire ending was amazingly dramatic-- but that part only seems worse every tiem I think about it. When I rewatched it this morning before school, I muted those few lines cause i couldn't bear to hear his voice say that. Him starting to unzip his pants cause he thought that's what she wanted-- because its always what she wanted-- it makes me physically ill.
He was like a person who's been a slave, who's been thoroughly convinced through conditioningthat this disgusting 'use' is his purpose, his reason for existance. He sees Buffy touch him again, and he wants to please-- to do something right-- is sadly eager because its his 'job' to the Slayer--what he does for her.
The thought of anyone reduced to that--- the idea that a person could willfully reduce another person to that...its abhorrent to me. Abhorrent and repulsive, more so with every moment than the attempted date-rape. I think this is because I can imagine being attacked like Buffy was, and I can imagine survivng and getting over it. What Spike's become though, the way Buffy made him to be through manipulation, abuse, conditioning, irresponsibility and neglect-- is that something you get over? He's been driven mad. To be objectified and mistreated so badly that soon you are fully convinced that you are a toy, an object, a thing owned and used for sex. He sees himself as belonging to her, like a pet, a doll, a toaster.
I know this was hinted at somewhat last year, but its become painfully clear now. It makes me sick. I want to go look at Buffy and say:
"You're not a hero! You're not nice, or good! Look at what you've done! Look at your --creation. All he did was try to be good like you, try to do right like people are supposed to, and you ruined that, you've destroyed him! Are you happy; does this please you that you did this to a sentient, emotional being you SICK FUCK! You stupid, wasteful, selfish excuse for a human being!"
...And then I want to cry for Buffy, too.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Re:
Date: 2002-10-02 03:43 pm (UTC)