further thinking

[timepiececlock]

I thought about 'Beneath Me' all morning. It ran through my head like instant play-back. I was sitting in a too-small desk in Statistics when the "service the girl" scne went through my brain, and I nearly threw up. Right there in class. I had to grab my mouth, and swallow some water.

The entire ending was amazingly dramatic-- but that part only seems worse every tiem I think about it. When I rewatched it this morning before school, I muted those few lines cause i couldn't bear to hear his voice say that. Him starting to unzip his pants cause he thought that's what she wanted-- because its always what she wanted-- it makes me physically ill.

He was like a person who's been a slave, who's been thoroughly convinced through conditioningthat this disgusting 'use' is his purpose, his reason for existance. He sees Buffy touch him again, and he wants to please-- to do something right-- is sadly eager because its his 'job' to the Slayer--what he does for her.

The thought of anyone reduced to that--- the idea that a person could willfully reduce another person to that...its abhorrent to me. Abhorrent and repulsive, more so with every moment than the attempted date-rape. I think this is because I can imagine being attacked like Buffy was, and I can imagine survivng and getting over it. What Spike's become though, the way Buffy made him to be through manipulation, abuse, conditioning, irresponsibility and neglect-- is that something you get over? He's been driven mad. To be objectified and mistreated so badly that soon you are fully convinced that you are a toy, an object, a thing owned and used for sex. He sees himself as belonging to her, like a pet, a doll, a toaster.

I know this was hinted at somewhat last year, but its become painfully clear now. It makes me sick. I want to go look at Buffy and say:
"You're not a hero! You're not nice, or good! Look at what you've done! Look at your --creation. All he did was try to be good like you, try to do right like people are supposed to, and you ruined that, you've destroyed him! Are you happy; does this please you that you did this to a sentient, emotional being you SICK FUCK! You stupid, wasteful, selfish excuse for a human being!"

...And then I want to cry for Buffy, too.

Comments

[anniesj.livejournal.com]

You're absolutely right. God, you're so right. She really did fuck him up bad. She just ruined him, made him believe that that's all he is, all he'll ever be, and you're right -- that *is* worse than the attempted rape ever could be. She made him believe that he is worthless for anything other than a quick fuck, that it's all he'll ever be good for. She'll recover from the AR. He might not ever recover from what she's done to him.

But the thing is, the reason why I can still look at Buffy and feel terrible for her, is that I really do get the feeling from that last scene, from her reactions to certain words and phrases of his, that she *knows* it now. She knows that she's to blame for all of his suffering, and the tears on her face in the end of that episode prove to me.

Okay. Going home now to watch again. Obsession rears its ugly head once more.

[elfgirl.livejournal.com]

He was like a person who's been a slave, who's been thoroughly convinced through conditioning that this disgusting 'use' is his purpose, his reason for existance. He sees Buffy touch him again, and he wants to please-- to do something right-- is sadly eager because its his 'job' to the Slayer--what he does for her.

Absolutely. I posted basically the same thing Monday on BAPS and in my BY review. Frankly, she's going to have to work hard to undo all the damage she's done. I don't know if she can do it. I want her to try, and succeed but. . .

Preach it, Sister!

[harmonyfb.livejournal.com]

I want to go look at Buffy and say:
"You're not a hero! You're not nice, or good! Look at what you've done!

Yes. Exactly! ::sigh:: Another year of being addicted to a show where I hate hate hate the main character. Crap.