further thinking
Oct. 2nd, 2002 01:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
timepiececlockI thought about 'Beneath Me' all morning. It ran through my head like instant play-back. I was sitting in a too-small desk in Statistics when the "service the girl" scne went through my brain, and I nearly threw up. Right there in class. I had to grab my mouth, and swallow some water.
The entire ending was amazingly dramatic-- but that part only seems worse every tiem I think about it. When I rewatched it this morning before school, I muted those few lines cause i couldn't bear to hear his voice say that. Him starting to unzip his pants cause he thought that's what she wanted-- because its always what she wanted-- it makes me physically ill.
He was like a person who's been a slave, who's been thoroughly convinced through conditioningthat this disgusting 'use' is his purpose, his reason for existance. He sees Buffy touch him again, and he wants to please-- to do something right-- is sadly eager because its his 'job' to the Slayer--what he does for her.
The thought of anyone reduced to that--- the idea that a person could willfully reduce another person to that...its abhorrent to me. Abhorrent and repulsive, more so with every moment than the attempted date-rape. I think this is because I can imagine being attacked like Buffy was, and I can imagine survivng and getting over it. What Spike's become though, the way Buffy made him to be through manipulation, abuse, conditioning, irresponsibility and neglect-- is that something you get over? He's been driven mad. To be objectified and mistreated so badly that soon you are fully convinced that you are a toy, an object, a thing owned and used for sex. He sees himself as belonging to her, like a pet, a doll, a toaster.
I know this was hinted at somewhat last year, but its become painfully clear now. It makes me sick. I want to go look at Buffy and say:
"You're not a hero! You're not nice, or good! Look at what you've done! Look at your --creation. All he did was try to be good like you, try to do right like people are supposed to, and you ruined that, you've destroyed him! Are you happy; does this please you that you did this to a sentient, emotional being you SICK FUCK! You stupid, wasteful, selfish excuse for a human being!"
...And then I want to cry for Buffy, too.
The entire ending was amazingly dramatic-- but that part only seems worse every tiem I think about it. When I rewatched it this morning before school, I muted those few lines cause i couldn't bear to hear his voice say that. Him starting to unzip his pants cause he thought that's what she wanted-- because its always what she wanted-- it makes me physically ill.
He was like a person who's been a slave, who's been thoroughly convinced through conditioningthat this disgusting 'use' is his purpose, his reason for existance. He sees Buffy touch him again, and he wants to please-- to do something right-- is sadly eager because its his 'job' to the Slayer--what he does for her.
The thought of anyone reduced to that--- the idea that a person could willfully reduce another person to that...its abhorrent to me. Abhorrent and repulsive, more so with every moment than the attempted date-rape. I think this is because I can imagine being attacked like Buffy was, and I can imagine survivng and getting over it. What Spike's become though, the way Buffy made him to be through manipulation, abuse, conditioning, irresponsibility and neglect-- is that something you get over? He's been driven mad. To be objectified and mistreated so badly that soon you are fully convinced that you are a toy, an object, a thing owned and used for sex. He sees himself as belonging to her, like a pet, a doll, a toaster.
I know this was hinted at somewhat last year, but its become painfully clear now. It makes me sick. I want to go look at Buffy and say:
"You're not a hero! You're not nice, or good! Look at what you've done! Look at your --creation. All he did was try to be good like you, try to do right like people are supposed to, and you ruined that, you've destroyed him! Are you happy; does this please you that you did this to a sentient, emotional being you SICK FUCK! You stupid, wasteful, selfish excuse for a human being!"
...And then I want to cry for Buffy, too.
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Re: Preach it, Sister!
Date: 2002-10-03 09:04 am (UTC)Ah well. Whether its a sequel or just somethin new, I hope you put out more Buffy fic soon.
Yeah... I'm also frantically wondering what will happen next episode. After a revelation like BY's... will they take up in the church, and we can see how it ended? Or will it flash forward a week in time, and leave us unsatisfied? Or will it take place a week ahead, with either Buffy or Spike flahsing back on whatever way he got off the cross before burning to death slowly?
::Shakes head::... I want it to take place immediately after, but they probably won't do it. I've learned to expect the lowest from Joss, that way his surprises are all the sweeter.
Re: Preach it, Sister!
Date: 2002-10-03 10:05 am (UTC)Well, I've got a similar fic set in season 4 simmering in the back of my head, but it has to wait its turn behind the werewolf story I might be able to sell. :) In it, Spike and Buffy will also not quite have sex.
Yeah... I'm also frantically wondering what will happen next episode.
I'm really looking forward to it and wondering how I'll have the strength to resist Annie's spoilage.
Re: Preach it, Sister!
Date: 2002-10-03 11:25 am (UTC)Werewolves are cool... selling your writing is even cooler.
I'm really looking forward to it and wondering how I'll have the strength to resist Annie's spoilage.
Be strong! I resisted numerous spoiler temptations on other people's livejournals for Beneath You, and now I SO glad I did. The whole episode was such a complete shock... its not worth it spoil yourself for stuff, cause you miss out on the beauty of it. You don't get the full impact. I was kind of gradually spoiled for the Africa tests/reward thing last season... unintentionally through numerous fanfics that weren't labeled correctly for spoilers. And therefore I wasn't as surprised... I didn't relish it as much. Though the soul factor was a bit of a shock.
Anyway, you should resist spoilers. Spoilers are EEEEEEEEvil.
~Rashaka :)