freaky

I had a weird, inconvenient, bitchy, surreal day two days ago.

I'll just explain the most weird part.

At the mall with my grandma to help her pick out a xmas present for my mom.

We're one the second floor of J C Penny's, looking at wallets. My grandma picked out one she liked, and we wanted to go home. We'd changed our direction a lot though, so I paused to ask a clerk where the elevator was.

We stepped into the elevator. The doors closed. I pushed the down button. The elevator moved. A minute later the elevator opened again. We stepped out, and started walking.

I was looking around, confused. It looked like the same floor. My grandma wass asking me something about where the kiddie section was cause that was our exit. I mumbled, "I dunno...I could swear that's the same woman who I asked about the elevator." We kept walking. We got a little further, and I stopped and said "No, grandma, LOOK."

The clerk walked up to us. "Did you find the elevator?" she asked.

I nodded and said quietly. "Yes." She went off. I turned to my grandma. "This is the same floor."

She said, "But Sara, that's..."

Me: "I know, c'mon let's just go back to the elevator."

We went back. We stepped in, the doors closed, and I pushed the down button. The elevator moved, stopped, and opened. We stepped out onto the first floor.

We walked, but kind of shocked.

Grandma: "Maybe we just didn't go down."
Me: "No, I felt it move. Didn't you?"
Grandma: "Yes, I thought so."
Me: "Maybe it just went down and then up again."
Grandma: "But we weren't in there that long. That was strange."

We walked toward the store exit. We talked about christmas. My mind was still stuck on the elevator.

Me: "That was very odd."
Grandma: "Oh sara, I know, but don't worry about it honey."
Me: "I know, but--that was very odd."


Of course, after that some girl rear-ended herself on the ball of the trailer-hitch on my dad's truck, while we were leaving the mall on the freeway ramp, and my battery died mysteriously even though it was putting out 14 and had a correctly working alternator, and I was talking to cops and tow-people and my phone was failing & blanking-out and there was much further irritating experiences.

This was my grandma's birthday, the 22nd. I told her if this was someone's idea of a joke, I expected her to tell them I wasn't pleased. She agreed.

my salute to Christmas

"Kidnap Mr. Sandy Claws"
'A Nightmare Before Christmas' Soundtrack
Sung by Lock, Shock, and Barrel


Kidnap Mr. Sandy Claws

I wanna do it
Let's draw straws
Jack said we chould work together
Three of a kind


Birds of a feather
Now and forever
Wheeee
La, la, la, la, la

Kidnap the Sandy Claws, lock him up real tight
Throw away the key and then
Turn off all the lights

First, we're going to set some bait
Inside a nasty trap and wait

When he comes a-sniffing we will
Snap the trap and close the gate

Wait! I've got a better plan
To catch this big red lobster man
Let's pop him in a boiling pot
And when he's done we'll butter him up

Kidnap the Sandy Claws
Throw him in a box
Bury him for ninety years
Then see if he talks

Then Mr. Oogie Boogie man
Can take the whole thing over then
He'll be so pleased, I do declare
That he will cook him rare

Wheeee!

I say that we take a cannon
Aim it at his door and then

Knock three times and when he anwers
Sandy Claws will be no more

You're so stupid, think now
I we blow him up into smithereens
We may lose some pieces
And the Jack will beat us black and green

Kidnap the Sandy Claws
Tie him in a bag
Throw him in the ocean
Then see if he is sad

Because Mr. Oogie Boogie id the meanest guy around
If I were on his Boogie list, I'd get out of town

He'll be so pleased by our success
That he'll reward us too, I bet

Perhaps he'll make his special brew
Of snake and spider stew
Ummm!

We're his little henchmen
And we take our job with pride
We do our best to please him
And stay on his good side

I wish my cohorts weren't so dumb

I'm not the dumb one

You're no fun

I've got something, listen now
This one is real good, you'll see
We'll send a present to his door
Upon there'll be a note to read
Now, in the box we'll wait and hide
Until his curiousity
Entices him to look inside
And then we'll have him
One, two, three!

Kidnap the Sandy Claws, beat him with a stick
Lock him for ninety years, see what makes him tick

Kidnap the Sandy Claws, chop him into bits
Mr. Oogie Boogie is sure to get his kicks
Kidnap the Sandy Claws, see what we will see
Lock him in a cage and then throw away the key




Happy holidays, folks!