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Nov. 7th, 2003 10:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
timepiececlockSo this guy in my Aikido class that I often joke around with said tonight, "You are not tactful. You say exactly the wrong thing." His tone was sort of wondering observation.
I momentarily went all Cordelia!speak on him and replied, "Tact is half lying." Then I went to get my shoes. I came back and said to his confused face, "The other half is respect. So I'm half-tactful, actually."
I went home. I asked my parents, "Do you think I lack tact?"
They both wanted to know what prompted him to say it in the first place. I said I didn't know, that I hadn't thought I'd said anything particularly outrageous in the last 5 minutes. My mom pointed out that if it was unprompted, then it was rather tactless of him to just blurt it out with no context like that. Then she said, "I'm probably not the best person to ask, because I've been accused of that myself." I nodded a bit, because this was a bit true. My dad said to me, "Well, sometimes you come off that way, because you can be insensitive." Then he went on to talk about how this wasn't all that unusual for a 19 year old, but how I should try to be tactful because it doesn't cost me anything and it improves one's relationship with one's peers and relations.
Just to be argumentative, I said, "Why should I conform to how other people think I should behave? Being honest doesn't mean being mean, and I can be polite and still speak my mind." He went on, and I mostly stopped listening. Touche.
I momentarily went all Cordelia!speak on him and replied, "Tact is half lying." Then I went to get my shoes. I came back and said to his confused face, "The other half is respect. So I'm half-tactful, actually."
I went home. I asked my parents, "Do you think I lack tact?"
They both wanted to know what prompted him to say it in the first place. I said I didn't know, that I hadn't thought I'd said anything particularly outrageous in the last 5 minutes. My mom pointed out that if it was unprompted, then it was rather tactless of him to just blurt it out with no context like that. Then she said, "I'm probably not the best person to ask, because I've been accused of that myself." I nodded a bit, because this was a bit true. My dad said to me, "Well, sometimes you come off that way, because you can be insensitive." Then he went on to talk about how this wasn't all that unusual for a 19 year old, but how I should try to be tactful because it doesn't cost me anything and it improves one's relationship with one's peers and relations.
Just to be argumentative, I said, "Why should I conform to how other people think I should behave? Being honest doesn't mean being mean, and I can be polite and still speak my mind." He went on, and I mostly stopped listening. Touche.
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Date: 2003-11-07 11:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-11-07 11:18 pm (UTC)Oh, speaking of, friend, have you bought tickets to fanime con yet?
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Date: 2003-11-07 11:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-11-07 11:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-11-07 11:23 pm (UTC)*flop flop*.....
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Date: 2003-11-07 11:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-11-07 11:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-11-08 12:21 am (UTC)*smooch*
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Date: 2003-11-08 12:58 am (UTC)It's better to be honest and polite than sincere and tactful if you see what I mean.
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Date: 2003-11-08 06:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-11-09 03:28 am (UTC)Like the Japanese I draw a distinction between sincerity and honesty. A Person can be sincere without being honest, it just takes a modicum of acting ability or social grace. In some cultures this ability is more heavily prized than honesty (or put another way, sounding like you telling the truth is more highly regarded than actually telling the truth). But I don't think so.
no subject
Date: 2003-11-09 09:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-11-09 02:56 pm (UTC)Not strictly true. For example see definition under;
http://www.hyperdictionary.com/dictionary/sincerity
Honesty isn't the first definiton, it's the third. Also under..
http://www.realdictionary.com/S/dir/sincerity.asp
Sincere is just how it sounds, not if the statement is absloutely true. In various cultures around the world (for example the Japanese) sincerity is valued over honesty. You can tell a bare face lie as long as you sound sincere. So no, I don't think being sincere and being hoest are the same thing. You can be sincere without having to be honest. It's a trait I despise but some people think is a good thing.
To be honest is better than to be sincere.
no subject
Date: 2003-11-09 06:13 pm (UTC)1 a : free of dissimulation : HONEST b : free from adulteration : PURE
2 : marked by genuineness : TRUE
- sin·cere·ly adverb
- sin·cere·ness noun
synonyms SINCERE, WHOLEHEARTED, HEARTFELT, HEARTY, UNFEIGNED mean genuine in feeling. SINCERE stresses absence of hypocrisy, feigning, or any falsifying embellishment or exaggeration . WHOLEHEARTED suggests sincerity and earnest devotion without reservation or misgiving . HEARTFELT suggests depth of genuine feeling outwardly expressed . HEARTY suggests honesty, warmth, and exuberance in displaying feeling . UNFEIGNED stresses spontaneity and absence of pretense .
at: http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/dictionary
The above definition is how I've always considered it to be defined. "Sincerity" has more emotional tones than "honesty," but they're very close. I still disagree that a facade can still be called sincerity. It can't.
You can tell a bare face lie as long as you sound sincere.
You may sound sincere but what you are is insincere. Feigning sincerity makes you the exact opposite of sincere, by very definition.
Also, I don't think that sincerity always connotates seriousness. You can be sincere and not be serious at all. The measure of sincerity is the measure of the genuineness of your feelings, not the seriousness of them.
Then again, we're looking from two sides of the Atlantic here...?