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Liek, omg, Aragorn is Jeesus! And Legolas is his big gay love interest that was cut out of the Bible because Arwen's hair went better with the headdress! But nevermind, because Aragorn is so Jesus! And Eowyn is the Last Scion! And Sam's real name is Rufus, can't you tell?!/1!?!11!! And I was lying before, Legolas was really going to be in there anyway (because God is like, SO a pro-gay marriage activist on her weekends off) but while loving ~~Jeesus~~Aragorn he was also shaggin Eowyn on the side, because, let's face it, chicks with swords turn everyone on, and he's so gorgeous that her pervy old Uncle wouldn't leave him alone either, and soon ~~Jeesus~~Aragorn got depressed for lack of LegoLuv and tied himself to an Orc catapult and was about to die like a lamb when Frodo gave him some bit of shiny jewelry and said "Here, this should cheer you up--BUT DON'T YOU BE KEEPING IT!" And then Aragorn's soul was lost and when the dust settled ~~God~~ Galadriel in her fabulous backlighting looked around, decided Legolas was too pretty to be real, had him cut out of the bible entirely and shunted into some trashy long-winded dime-novel from early 20th century that everyone just pretends to read. But who cares, because, liek, omg, Aragorn is Jeesus!

edit: Rashaka wants to inform general LJ public that she is, in fact, and atheist, in case this post confused anyone.