Fanfic PSA: major fic annoyance.

[timepiececlock]

I think I've finally found the singular thing that annoys me above all others in bad Buffyfic. No matter how horrible you are, everything is forgivable or redeemable except this.

There's a sex scene, and the male vampire bites the woman's breast. Not talking scraping the skin for a thin trail of blood, I mean full-on biting. Specifically, phrases like "sinks his fangs into" and so on.

STOP! Freeze paragraph, stop right there and let's think about this a minute.

I look down at my body, and I can't imagine anything less sexy. The idea of anyone, even with sexy vamp allure or thrall or whatever, sinking 2-inch fangs into my breasts... no way. Uh-uh. That would be like having your breast freaking bit off or cut off. It brings to mind things like really gorey hentai, Silence of the Lambs, and stories about serial killers who cut off women's breasts while torturing them. And I'm supposed to find this sexy?

This is something I will never, ever write, and I hope to never, ever read by someone I like. So far, my favorite authors haven't done this. And I'm grateful, because no matter how good the writer, this never be sexy to read, and I will immediately stop reading the fic, because anyone who writes about this is eather A) a guy (and thus has no breasts to think about) or B) a girl/woman who somehow fails to conceive of the massive amounts of pain and extreme grossness such an act would actually inflict upon the woman being bitten.

Now, I'm not against reading NC-17 fic with biting. Hell, there are some frelling great fics with vampires biting. wisteria_ wrote one this season that I loved. And they're vampires, you'd expect that kind of thing. Bites on necks, bites on inner thighs, bits on wrists, hell even bites on lower private parts-- all can be twisted into sexy vampire bloodplay smutfic. But. No. Biting. Of. The. Boobs.

I cannot stress this enough.

This Fanfic Public Service Announcement has been brought to you by the letter S, for smut.

Comments

[wickedprincess3.livejournal.com]

But. No. Biting. Of. The. Boobs
and that should be the guideline by which we all live by...

[spikewriter]

Ow. Ow. OwowowowOW!

Hurts just thinking about it.

[circe-tigana.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Rashaka. It made my face smile and my nipples hurt :)

[stakebait.livejournal.com]

I must admit, my mileage varies. I actually like that. (And am a girl, if it wasn't clear).

I can't really imagine that biting in any location is not going to hurt, 'cause biting. Maybe if the fangs are really, *really* sharp. But breasts are not actually one of the more nerve intensive parts of the body, unless we're talking nipples. I don't see why the upper breast would hurt any more than the inner thigh would, or the upper arm, for that matter.

And if we are talking nipples -- and wow am I deep into the land of TMI here -- pain there, when aroused, tends to be a lot more fun and a lot less painful for me than almost any other spot. I may be a freak, but I know enough people who play with temporary or permanent peircings to be pretty sure I'm not the only actual girl who thinks "sharp pointy things, breasts, ooh."

And they're hardly two inch fangs, or they'd go through the vamp's bottom lip and into their chin. They look to be at most half an inch longer than their regular teeth.

Now the wrists give me a wiggins if I picture it too literally. Too many veins and arteries there too close together -- I don't like the odds of something going wrong, or the suicide associations.

Mer