timepiececlock

I think I've finally found the singular thing that annoys me above all others in bad Buffyfic. No matter how horrible you are, everything is forgivable or redeemable except this.

There's a sex scene, and the male vampire bites the woman's breast. Not talking scraping the skin for a thin trail of blood, I mean full-on biting. Specifically, phrases like "sinks his fangs into" and so on.

STOP! Freeze paragraph, stop right there and let's think about this a minute.

I look down at my body, and I can't imagine anything less sexy. The idea of anyone, even with sexy vamp allure or thrall or whatever, sinking 2-inch fangs into my breasts... no way. Uh-uh. That would be like having your breast freaking bit off or cut off. It brings to mind things like really gorey hentai, Silence of the Lambs, and stories about serial killers who cut off women's breasts while torturing them. And I'm supposed to find this sexy?

This is something I will never, ever write, and I hope to never, ever read by someone I like. So far, my favorite authors haven't done this. And I'm grateful, because no matter how good the writer, this never be sexy to read, and I will immediately stop reading the fic, because anyone who writes about this is eather A) a guy (and thus has no breasts to think about) or B) a girl/woman who somehow fails to conceive of the massive amounts of pain and extreme grossness such an act would actually inflict upon the woman being bitten.

Now, I'm not against reading NC-17 fic with biting. Hell, there are some frelling great fics with vampires biting.

wisteria_ wrote one this season that I loved. And they're vampires, you'd expect that kind of thing. Bites on necks, bites on inner thighs, bits on wrists, hell even bites on lower private parts-- all can be twisted into sexy vampire bloodplay smutfic. But. No. Biting. Of. The. Boobs.

I cannot stress this enough.

This Fanfic Public Service Announcement has been brought to you by the letter S, for smut.