OK. UM. shock.

Wow. Can you see this? my figers are twitching. No, no probably can't see it can you?

"Spike have you completely lost your mind?"
"Well, yeah, where have you been all night?"

Just...color me confused. And, awed. And, confused.

And did anyone else notice how hopeful and happy Anya looked when she saw his soul? Almost like she was dying to know cause she wanted one too. A great, smart scene.

And then that short fight between them-- HOW COOL WAS THAT?! ::bouncing in chair::

And then him being all BigBad!Spike again... serious season 2 flashbacks here. anyone else?

I can't possibly go to sleep now... Wow. This was so much better than the season opening; makes it look like a third rate informercial.

This was so Spike's episode too. Man, they totally had me convinced that the nutsy behavior in the basement was all because of the hellmouth. HAH! What a master Joss is at yanking our chain!

That was... oh god, such an amazing episode. I didn't understand half the thigns Spike said (so going to watch it again for that). And.... No! Oh my god?! How can I write fanfic to this stuff?! I can't even concieve of all the information that came out of this episode, much less write about it! It's like a battleaxe to the head!


Oh, and I'm SO with Nancy here-- let's just leave here now cause clearly these people are all just too fucked up.

And that sex thing, then with Spike and Xander looking at eachother-- how funny is that?! Though, ugh. I can see the slash fanfic now, spiralling from that mere glance.

Still, Xander's all redeemed in my head again. Far better behavior than the year before. He's growing up! ::big grin::

And Dawn... Dawn rocks. And wow, scary.

And Buffy... "Am I just flesh to you?! ...service the girl." She deserves to choke on that for a good long while. I hope she's looking at the absolute fuck-up mess Spike's become and it's finally clicking that that everything he is now is her fault. She took love and warped it, completely destroying a man, like all the men in her life before had destroyed her.

I'm SO thankful they're finally bringing up the Anya-demon-guilt issue, even only a little. And kudos to Xander for finally clueing in that she's far les sorry for her past than even Spike. And kudos to Anya for "You never understood me Xander." Isn't that painfully clear all of a sudden.

And the Spike on the cross thing.... he's so out of reality...

...Christian symbolism and themes of redemption once again rearing their heads in the vampire world. He even slew a 'monster from time of the Crusades'. But once again, in Joss's world things aren't always what they appear to be, and characters find out too late.

And his face when he killed a human-- poor, poor Spikey; I feel so bad for him, because he'd convinced himself that it was gonna be easy, that he could never hurt anyone like that again.

And OMG he's so nuts!

There's no way I can sleep like this. No way.

(no subject)

Two songs to honor Beneath Me.


Finger Eleven
"Sick Of It All"



Are the sins getting staler ?
Does every moment move past you?
Or does it feel like forever
And shouldn't you be laughing too?
Take a look how they found you
Take a look what they've done to you now
What was it they wanted
Sullen and haunted?
If only you saw it coming

How far down would you fall
If you never came up again
'Cause you're so sick of it all
And you want to change everything
Just how deep would you go
To see through it all?

If you could consume her
Would you say you were finding your way out?
Is anything coming clearer
Smashing your mirror?
Still you can see you're guilty

How far down would you fall
If you never come up again
'Cause you're so sick of it all
And you want to change everything
Just how deep would you go
To see through it all?

Coming closer my composure turning inside out in her
Calling home all alone
You can call I won't answer
Any question in my head remains until you feel the same
Never telling how I felt is all I
ever cared
about

How far down would you fall
If you never came up again
'Cause you're so sick of it all
And you want to change everything
Someone somewhere should know
If you wanna come back around
Just how deep would you go
To see through it all?

Coming closer my composure turning inside out
To see through it all?
in her
Calling home all alone
To see through it all?
You can call I won't answer
It all?
Any question in my head remains until you
It all?
feel the same
It all?




And then... for the final scene. It broke my heart.

The Smashing Pumpkins
"Galapagos"


ain't it funny how we pretend we're still a child
softly stolen under our blanket skies
and rescue me from me, and all that i believe
i won't deny the pain
i won't deny the change
and should i fall from grace here with you
will you leave me too?

carve out your heart for keeps in an old oak tree
and hold me for goodbyes-and whispered lullabyes
and tell me i am still
the man i'm supposed to be
i won't deny the pain
i won't deny the change
and should i fall from grace here with you
will you leave me too?

too late to turn back now, i'm running out of sound
and i am changing, changing
and if we died right now, this fool you love somehow
is here with you
i won't deny the pain
i won't deny the change
and should i fall from grace here with you
would you leave me too?


::crying:: ...going off to sleep now.... ::crying::

further thinking

I thought about 'Beneath Me' all morning. It ran through my head like instant play-back. I was sitting in a too-small desk in Statistics when the "service the girl" scne went through my brain, and I nearly threw up. Right there in class. I had to grab my mouth, and swallow some water.

The entire ending was amazingly dramatic-- but that part only seems worse every tiem I think about it. When I rewatched it this morning before school, I muted those few lines cause i couldn't bear to hear his voice say that. Him starting to unzip his pants cause he thought that's what she wanted-- because its always what she wanted-- it makes me physically ill.

He was like a person who's been a slave, who's been thoroughly convinced through conditioningthat this disgusting 'use' is his purpose, his reason for existance. He sees Buffy touch him again, and he wants to please-- to do something right-- is sadly eager because its his 'job' to the Slayer--what he does for her.

The thought of anyone reduced to that--- the idea that a person could willfully reduce another person to that...its abhorrent to me. Abhorrent and repulsive, more so with every moment than the attempted date-rape. I think this is because I can imagine being attacked like Buffy was, and I can imagine survivng and getting over it. What Spike's become though, the way Buffy made him to be through manipulation, abuse, conditioning, irresponsibility and neglect-- is that something you get over? He's been driven mad. To be objectified and mistreated so badly that soon you are fully convinced that you are a toy, an object, a thing owned and used for sex. He sees himself as belonging to her, like a pet, a doll, a toaster.

I know this was hinted at somewhat last year, but its become painfully clear now. It makes me sick. I want to go look at Buffy and say:
"You're not a hero! You're not nice, or good! Look at what you've done! Look at your --creation. All he did was try to be good like you, try to do right like people are supposed to, and you ruined that, you've destroyed him! Are you happy; does this please you that you did this to a sentient, emotional being you SICK FUCK! You stupid, wasteful, selfish excuse for a human being!"

...And then I want to cry for Buffy, too.

me much better now.

I've read some more analyzations of 'Beneath Me' (or is it 'Beneath You'?), and I'm all calmed down now.

I reccomend anniesj's, as well as the Scoop-me article: http://www.scoopme.com/tv/articles/default.asp?article_id=72329

I liked that one. ---^

Next up: last week's opener for West Wing... loved it. Loved it more than I've loved that show in a good while.


Best West Wing line in a long time:

President Bartlett, on Josh and Toby:

"300 IQ points between them and they can't find their way home. If Donna wasn't with them they'd have to buy a house."


Best West Wing scene in a long time:

The teen driver stopping the car carrying Josh, Donna, and Toby to confront his ex-girlfriend, and then the subsequent ranting and raging by Josh and Toby when they realize they've missed their flights cause they forgot about time zones. And best of all, Donna staying calm and cool and saying that "my guys are going to need a while to work this off." Then Toby loudly beats on a metal divider, and Josh starts kicking walls. ::choking on giggles::

Runner-up: Sam leaping & falling out of bed when Josh (as per the answering machine's instructions) yells like a banshee at him over the recording. Too funny.

ick

ew, gross. was patrolling ff.net for fics, and saw the first RobinWood/Buffy fanfiction. as in, the principal. Yeah, he is very cute, but PLEASE-- would never happen. I hope the disgruntled B/R-ers and B/A-ers won't start "transferring".