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I finally got some online storage space! yay me! I'm venturing out of my closet into the brighter world of more tech!

I'm going to put up every fannish icon I've made, in a few journal entries, as it takes time. Most of them are Spike. A lot of them are similar, as I've got a tendency to make several variations off the same image.

First set:



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Dammit! blasted pics aren't showing up.

Worked yesterday. And these are smaller pictures, too.

writer's whine #2

Is there such a thing as integrity in writing? Or is it all whatever you want, for whatever reason?

Do people write because they have this story that they need to tell, or just because they're bored and no one else is doing it?

I mean-- why do people write, be it fanfic or orginal creations?

Is writing fanfic always a masturbatory act, like self-insertions (and argueably Real Person fic)?

I don't think so-- I'd argue that that is why I read fanfic, not why I write it. For example, I sit and wonder, "What would it be like if Buffy had Spike's baby?" Then, I go read a pregnancy fic or three. I think "I'd like to see what would happen if Buffy went back in time and met pre-vamp Spike," -- and then I find a William/time-travel fic to read, maybe more than one; as many as it takes before my curiosity is satisfied. It's all about reading a fic that satisfies those desires--of what I want the characters to do, to see, to feel--that isn't already part of canon.

For me, writing fic isn't about that. I've never finished a fic that I started because "I wanted to read it and no one else was writing one."

When I write something, I do so because I feel like there's this story, and I have to tell it-- because it needs to be told. Even if no one reads it, or if I don't share it with anyone, I feel like I'm betraying myself if I don't somehow write it down. I get inspired to write fic randomly, in any situation or at any moment. Then I get this powerful urge to 'WRITE IT DOWN, WRITE IT DOWN NOW!' I've started stuff, original and fic, on things like table napkins, my arm, notebook paper---whatever surface is available at the moment. I have to, because if I don't I'll forget it, and I feel like I can't forget it, because it needs to be written.

I've tried writing fanfic when I'm bored, with nothing else to do. I've tried writing fanfic to distract myself in a class at school. None of that works-- it's all crap, and I throw it away the next minute. I have to be inspired before I write anything that I feel is worth reading, is worth showing to other people.

I know that I'm not a very good or very experienced writer yet, on the scale of things. I'm not writing a novel right now, and I haven't had any short stories published in magazines or papers. But I take writing very seriously, and I consider myself a writer. Why? because it's how I look at everything around me.

I read the ad on the back of the cereal box and I think "You know, that would have sounded much better if they'd switched these two phrases and erased that one entirely." I do this ALL THE TIME. I have this great desire to "fix" the bad lines in films. Even in other people's fanfic. I'm can be annoying sometimes in conversation, when the person talking to me is struggling for a word and I automatically spew out two or three that would sound really good in the previous context of their sentence. I am constantly rewriting my own conversational comments in my head after I've already said them, polishing them up and rethinking them, even though they've already be said.

((ETA: See-- even right there! I was rereading the entry after posting it and wanted to go back and fix that last paragraph because I used the word "said" twice in one sentence, and everyone knows that's a Bad Thing))

It was sometime in the last two years, in high school, that I sort of realized that I think of myself as a writer. Because it's what I think about, constantly. How to turn a phrase, how to say exactly what you mean, how to speak prettily and get your poitn across at the same time. Hoe to get a particular emotional reaction from the audience you're writing/speaking to. How to play upon what you know about that audience or person in order to get that reaction.

I guess what I'm asking is, is this what writing is like for other people? Is writing---be it fanfic or original fic-- is it something that is always in the back of your heads?

ha ha ha

I love this. Generously lent for display on my journal by PetitMiel, of the Crumbling Walls forum.

more fic snippet

Here's some more of that fic I started a month ago, post Never Leave Me. It was written, of course, before the mini-buffies started showing up in adolescent droves, and I think I'm just going to leave them out for now. It was also pre-Giles, pre-water-torture, pre-fake-Dru, and (sadly), pre-sweet & romantic-rescue. Also, I've determined my Ubervamp will be meaner and hopefully scarier than the one on the show.

You can find the previous post of it here.

Wrote this part while listening mostly to "Heal Yourself" by Elephant Ride, "Balladovie" by The Killingtons, and "Stupid Thing" by Nickel. I think all of these were in BtVS eps at some point, though "Stupid Thing" is the only one I remember really-- it was the song playing by the live band at the Bronze while Spike stalked Buffy in the crowd in School Hard.


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The vampire the Slayer's troop had rushed into that horrid room to rescue hung directly above them. He was strung fifteen feet over their heads by taut leather cords, back and limbs stretched against a torture wheel reminiscent of the dark ages and The Church, of witch trials and Inquisitions. His thin, dirty frame was parallel to the floor, and bloody gashes covered his torso like red finger-paint. Even from where the humans stood, they could see his eyes were closed, and his chest no longer moved in the affectation of breathe they'd all become accustomed to. He’d never before looked more like a dead man.

“That’s—that’s how,” Anya said carefully, voice thick. She pulled her eyes from corpse of Spike to the seal they were practically standing on. “His blood, it— they bled him onto the Seal of Danzlathar to activate it.”

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