timepiececlock

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And it got me thinking... what anime series has emotionally affected me the most?
For tv shows I'd easily say Buffy... my love for that show knows no bounds even in death. My love for Farscape falls only just short of that. I am equally attached to the Lord of the Rings films. The very thought that it will end in six months is almost enough to make me cry. I cried over Boromir. Twice. But anime...which one moved me?

And thinking about it, I reaffirmed what I knew deep in my heart... Esca. The Vision of Escaflowne. After I watched the final moments of that show... I came so close to crying bittersweet tears. It left me bittersweet the way the Buffy finale left me bittersweet, and Farscape finale. Not because of death necessarily, but that same feeling of seeing two characters that you know belong together, for the rest of time. And you're happy, satisfied with how it ends, because it ends beautifully, full of hope, but it still yanks at your heart.

Trigun was my easy-watching favorite. I sniffled for Wolfwood in episode 23, as he's my favorite anime character aside from Nuriko, and I hugged myself for Vash in episode 24. It was funny and dramatic and kind of sad. I can watch reruns endlessly and swim in VashAngst. But it didn't hit me, not the way Escaflowne did.

Neon Genesis Evangelion bored me in some places, and scared me in others. I was impressed by it but eventually turned off of actually watching it.

Cowboy Bebop impressed me, but its sort of a post-mortem impression. I like it now that I know how it all ends. I appreciate the maturity and subtlety of the writers, especially the dialogue script. A friend cried buckets for the end of Bebop. I was actually kind of ...peppy. Excited. I'm not sure why, but probably came from being satisfied by the ending and not really desiring any more. I could find whatever else I wanted from fanfic. I'm actually more infatuated with the music of CB than the actual show. There's probably something wrong with that. But then, the same people did the music for Esca, and I loved that too.

Fushigi Yuugi I was addicted to. I was not emotionally invested, I was simply addicted. I had to know how it would end. And it went from just ok to kick-ass complex by the end, so I don't feel to bad about admitting this. However, out of this weird additction-not-relationship show I did get my favorite anime character ever, Nuriko.

Gundam Wing was my first serious anime obsession that weened me off of Sailor Moon (that introduced me to anime way back in 7th grade.) I loved the characters of Gundam Wing more than the storyline. The five very different, very complicated boys, and the women of GW were such a wonderfully non-stereotypical female characters for an anime. The character relationships were really what GW was all about, and it was extremely satisfying by the end. None of the other Gundam shows have held the same attachment for me. But I feel too old for GW now. And that's weird, because it wasn't a child's show any more than Cowboy Bebop or Trigun could be considered for children, but I guess I just associate it with being 16.

I never loved Inu-Yasha or Ranma 1/2. I really really really liked them. There's a difference. I may love moments, and I may love certain fanfics or music videos or special stuff, and I will watch/absorb it regularly as much as I can, but I've never totally loved either show as a whole.

Escaflowne, though... I watched all of Escaflowne by myself, mostly on VHS tapes rented from the library. This was the same method by which I watched Evangelion. This method is somehwat lonely, but it means that you see the whole show by yourself, at your own pace, uninfluenced by other people's opinions, even friends. And Escaflowne really struck me. I still say it was the best anime series I've seen so far. I've talked to people who agree with me, and people who hated it.

All I did this afternoon was put in one of my very few Esca DVDs and watch a music video from it, and within thirty seconds it shows clips from the series finale and I was blown over by nostalgia and bittersweetness so intense it was like I was watching the Buffy season finale all over again. And I've never done anything for Escaflowne fandom except download music videos. I've never even read a serious Esca fanfic, whereas I've done practically everything for Buffy fandom except make vids. But it was that same feeling. And I finished watching Esca over a year ago.

Why do I get so attached to these things? Why do I love tv shows like Buffy the Vmaprie Slayer and The Vision of Escaflowne, or books like The Gunslinger or Lord of the Rings, and emotionally invest myself in their outcomes?

Why are fans, well, fans?

How come I can idolize books and tv shows, but not understand why people like celebrities? Because I don't, not really. I joke about liking Ewan Mcgregor, but I'll probably never do anything more fannish than see most of his movies and occasionally buy a magazine with his picture. I joke about liking James Marsters, but I really only like James because he's Spike. And it's Spike's character I'm interested in. Deep down, I don't understand why people crowd around airports just for the chance to touch the hand of their favorite movie star or rock star. I don't get it. Wanting to meet them, sure, but I don't get the obssession.

The last year in high school, a friend was telling me about how she went to an Aerosmith concert and got to touch Tyler's chest. She described the experience with the same blissful facial expression I get when talking about the Lord of the Rings movies. She said I "don't understand what it's like to really love a person like that, and then meet them."

And I don't, still. Because I don't love people like that. I love stories like that. And I wonder why.

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