(no subject)
Jul. 22nd, 2004 12:07 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
timepiececlockI watched a cute Ranma 1/2 video to Counting Crows' "Accidentally In Love", and while watching it I started to think about how everyone is everyone else's fiancé on that show.
Then I got to thinking about betrothal as a tradition, and how that compares to being engaged today. Then I got into another sociological linguistics thinking thing.
I was thinking how interesting it was, that there is so little to the act of becoming someone's fiancé entails in our culture, but how heavy the social status change is that goes along with it.
To be engaged, really, all two people have to do is come to the agreement that they want to be married in the future, and then to inform other people of this shift in the relationship. Traditionally it takes a formal ring, but for some that doesn't come later, or there is no engagement ring, just a wedding ring.
And yet, being someone's fiancé will get you into hospital rooms, will get you into family visitor's rooms, will get you a level of social acceptance and acknowledgement, even if it's only verbal, that just being someone's boyfriend or girlfriend won't.
And I was just thinking how interesting it was, that one single conversation between two people, where nothing needs to be signed or exchanged or anything formal or legal, can nevertheless change one's social status in relation to the other person with respect to the community. Unlike something that's ascribed to you by others, being engaged or not, having the weight that attaches to your relationship in other people's eyes, is entirely within your power to change or decide. You announce the change in your status, and the community accepts it (even if you're 18 and your parents don't like it). A stranger can't look at you and say "No way, you two aren't engaged! Where's your proof?" the way they might say "You're not a redhead!" or something.
And all this from one agreement in private between two people. Through an intangible moment of communication, tangible results result.
Words are powerful. In indirect but fascinating ways.
Then I got to thinking about betrothal as a tradition, and how that compares to being engaged today. Then I got into another sociological linguistics thinking thing.
I was thinking how interesting it was, that there is so little to the act of becoming someone's fiancé entails in our culture, but how heavy the social status change is that goes along with it.
To be engaged, really, all two people have to do is come to the agreement that they want to be married in the future, and then to inform other people of this shift in the relationship. Traditionally it takes a formal ring, but for some that doesn't come later, or there is no engagement ring, just a wedding ring.
And yet, being someone's fiancé will get you into hospital rooms, will get you into family visitor's rooms, will get you a level of social acceptance and acknowledgement, even if it's only verbal, that just being someone's boyfriend or girlfriend won't.
And I was just thinking how interesting it was, that one single conversation between two people, where nothing needs to be signed or exchanged or anything formal or legal, can nevertheless change one's social status in relation to the other person with respect to the community. Unlike something that's ascribed to you by others, being engaged or not, having the weight that attaches to your relationship in other people's eyes, is entirely within your power to change or decide. You announce the change in your status, and the community accepts it (even if you're 18 and your parents don't like it). A stranger can't look at you and say "No way, you two aren't engaged! Where's your proof?" the way they might say "You're not a redhead!" or something.
And all this from one agreement in private between two people. Through an intangible moment of communication, tangible results result.
Words are powerful. In indirect but fascinating ways.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-07-22 09:13 am (UTC)Anyway, I just changed it to there's a link at the top if you click "cute ranma 1/2"
But even though they are deciding to get married like they would be if they were engaged, somehow they're NOT engaged, and wearing someone's promise ring is no way to get into hir hospital room.
Yeah. You're right... I don't think a promise ring means anything bigger than being a boyfriend or girlfriend (maybe because it seems juvenile, thus less serious, because I don't know of adults that would accept a promise ring) even though it probably does to the person. If someone said "But I have his promise ring!" it would not carry the weight that "But I'm his fiance!" carries.