make smut, not war!

Ok, here it is.

I couldn't do 250 words... I did 800. ::blush::

I just wrote this strait through for an hour an a half... no rereading, no editing, no beta and only a semi-useful spellchecker.

My first smut fic. Perhaps not the most graphic one out there, but I think it qualifies the rating.

The concept sort of changed from what I'd originally planned, and I hope it comes across and isn't too muddled. This was inspired by two different things... partially from something I read in a fic that, for how a scene between B&S played out, bothered me for it's lack of... well, responsibilty. Also, partially inspired from a discussion in my psych class (we're on the chapter on mental disorders) about ramifications of certain interactions with... well, read the fic. But people get arrested for this kind of thing in real life. I hope the end's not too vague; I'm too tired to go over it any more.
Early season 7, any time between BY & Him.

( BtVS: NC17 angst smut ahead )

guess I'm already where I need to be:

Top ten places for me to live, according to http://www.findyourspot.com/

1. Las Vegas, Nevada
2. Albuquerque, New
3. Honolulu, Hawaii
4. Sacramento, California
5. Portland, Oregon
6. Little Rock, Arkansas
7. Las Cruces, New Mexico
8. San Jose, California
9. Ventura, California
10. Baltimore, Maryland


Well, I live in no. 8 already. Probably not a coincidence, as I like where I live, for the most part.

I can't believe it put Sacramento at 4, though. Who the hell wants to actually live there? I see no reason to be there unless its your job with government that makes you.

writing

I'm all weired out about my fic.

I mean, I adore that so many people had a positive response, but my personal reaction to it is just strange.

Usually when I write something, I read it over obsessively. Once I put it up somewhere, I like the novelty of going back over my own work as it is in that setting-- and the feeling of "Hey, my fic is up somewhere, and people are reading it." And the fics that I especially liked are ones I've reread often; if someone gives a very specific review I'll often reread in an effort to connect their review to specific elements of my writing, if I can.

But I haven't reread this entire fic even once. I reread sentences as I wrote them, even paragraphs, but once I had the pargraph done I moved onto the next, and then when I was finished I just put it directly up.

Since then, I've reread small portions specifically mentioned in comments, but I haven't gone over the whole fic, short though it is. Essentially, I've only read the completed work as it was being done.

I don't know why. Am I nervous because it was sex fic, and this was my first time writing that? But, half the fic I read is NC17 rated. So it's not outright squickiness. Maybe I'm squeamish because I'm the one who wrote it this time?

I dunno. But I'm torn... on the one had I wait anxiously for more peer response. On the other I want to forget I ever wrote it and never read it. Especially the graphic parts. I think I'm afraid that they suck, and everyone's just being overly nice to me, but you really all think that I'm such a total virgin and have no concept of sex--- and I'm afraid to go back and check to see that it doesn't suck, for fear that it will, so I end up clinging to your words and avoidihg the fic itself.

Except the end, after the smut. I've reread the last paragraphs a few times and I like those.

... I think I'm strange. Also, I'm one of those hypocrites who understands the value of criticism, but deep in my demon/otaku/fangirl/writer heart of hearts can't bear to hear it. I'd rather fix it all on my own.

It's why I tried having a fic beta-read once, and even though the lady who helped was a doll, I hated the experience so much that I didn't even read the second person's beta-response, and buried the fic entirely. That's one complete Spuffy thing that will never see the light of the web. I liked that fic when I finished it, but after one beta-read I was all "OMG it sucks sucks sucks!" and hid it away... then decided the process was too stressful, and to just edit stuff myself. I'm insecure; it's a flaw.

Icon challenge!

Well folks, we've got a two-fold challenge here. circe_tigana and I have decided we're going to live in mortal fear of Buffy season-ending spoilers, and we need some icons to help us stay free & clean.

So c'mon... all those of you on my list that make so many great pics, let's see what you've got!

These are the captions we've brainstormed so far:

1. Spoiler free finish!
2. Spoiler free finale!
3. Spoilers are bad for the blood
4. Spoilers? I. Don't. Want. To. Know!
5. Second-hand spoilers kill.
6. Spoiled is Rotten.
7. Ignorance is bliss.
8. Trust in Joss. Be Spoiler-free.
9. 2003 Spoiler-free.
10. Don't Wanna Know.
11. Afraid for Spike ... Afraid to look ...
12. lj-cut your spoilers please!
13. See no evil, hear no evil, spread no evil spoilers.
14. Ultimate Drew will French [kiss] the spoiler-free!
15. Join Ultimate Drew. No Spoilers!
16. Don't spoil me!


C'mon peoples... help our Spoiler-free campaign! Even if you plan on spoiling yourself rotten, make us some icons anyway! For the fun of it.

Or, think up a witty caption for the growing list. ;)