a question of manners...

[timepiececlock]

What is the polite way to proceed in LJ when someone you liked defriended you and you haven't any earthly idea why?

Do you fret about it, and re-examine your recent entries, scouring for what you think might have turned this person off of you?

Do you shrug it off and say "Your loss, puny fool!" ?

Do you stalk their journal and bombard them with comments without ever actually getting around to asking them, in hopes that by reminding them ferociously that you exist, they'll friend you again?

Do you email them and say "Why did you dump me, when we were so great together?!?"

What does one do?

Since you probably don't spend a lot of time reading your own journal on their friends list, does it really cosmically matter?

(Observe my fatalistic but pretty icon!)

On the other hand, I've seriously slowed down in adding people. So all the lovely folks who friended me in the last month or two, I'm not ignoring your existence, I'm just suffering overload.

What does "meta" mean?


ETA: i've settled on my proper response.

your loss, puny fool!


but i'll still read your journal anyway. cause... pretty fic, and uh...you're nice, and smart. yeah. whatever.

Comments

[kimberly-a.livejournal.com]

When someone unfriends me, I usually wonder why, but I don't necessarily assume it's something I've done. One of the people who unfriended me today is someone I considered something of a friend, someone I quite like and thought liked me as well. I try to remember why I've unfriended people in the past, and it often had nothing to do with them in particular. I was just feeling overwhelmed and couldn't deal with such a large friends list, and so was trying to trim.

I recently removed a couple of people from my friends list for various reasons, including:

• They keep writing about Buffy or Angel spoilers and I didn't want to be tempted, no matter how much I like the person writing the journal.
• For the past few weeks, they only write to post their fanfic, and it isn't fanfic that I'm particularly feeling like reading right now, since it's a very long story and I don't have the attention span for that at the moment.

Neither of those things is about not liking someone, for example, it's just about what sort of stuff I want to read right now not matching up with what they want to write right now.

I try not to take it personally when someone unfriends me, because I'm writing in my journal to express myself, not to win friends and influence people. I don't want to start thinking of it as a popularity contest, so when someone unfriends me I often wonder why ... but I don't worry about it too much. :)

Re:

[rashaka.livejournal.com]

They keep writing about Buffy or Angel spoilers and I didn't want to be tempted, no matter how much I like the person writing the journal.

I recently defriended someone for that. But he'd defreined me months before, so I doubt he noticed.

so when someone unfriends me I often wonder why ... but I don't worry about it too much. :)

Probably the best way. But I've always rather liked any excuse to call someone "fool!", so I have to take advantage of any situation to do so. ^_-

[ginmar.livejournal.com]

Well, I got unfriended by somebody who was anti-war in that 'Let-me-dramatic-comparisons-to-Nazi-Germany-so-I-look-sensitive' kind of way.I countered with the Nuremburg Laws, and they got really pissy. And then they barred me from commenting, which I think is about the most cowardly thing you can do. So, my response is pretty much like yours. That's happened several times, and I've commented in my LJ.

So, have you been arguing logically with people and then find out they can't stand it?

Re:

[rashaka.livejournal.com]

Well, this particular person didn't argue with me at all, whihc is why I was kind of confused. But like I said, and excuse to call someone "Fool!" is a good excuse. I love that insult, classic though it may be.

So, have you been arguing logically with people and then find out they can't stand it?

Yeah. They annoy me. However, in debate I find the problem that really bugs me with some people-- in this instance my bro and my aunt-- is that if they present their argument in what they think to be a logical, clear way, its inevitable taht you agree with them. And if you don't they think you're the problem, because how could you disagree with a point they've so clearly & perfectly illustrate? Obviously, you didn't understand, and they need to tell you again, because once you understand there's no way you can't agree with them.

Those are the people I clash with frequently in arguments.

[octopedingenue]

Current music:Coldplay, 'The Scientist' ... FUCKING GREAT SONG!

Yes. It. Iiiiiissss.

I burned a copy of 'A Rush of Blood to the Head' a few days ago, and every morning now my CD alarm clock wakes me with "The Scientist". *happy sigh*

Re:

[rashaka.livejournal.com]

I caved and bought it. love it.

What kind of alarm clock do you have?

[octopedingenue]

I caved and bought it. love it.

I may end up buying it, both for the cover art and for decent song quality, since the MP3s I have of "Warning Sign" and a few other songs are not very good. I'll probably get it second-hand at a music store though; since I discovered Half.com (which is about to go UNDER! WAAAAAH! *sobs*), I've become allergic to buying brand-new CDs. Bad me!

Would you mind horribly if I made a Spider-Man/MJ Livejournal icon using the lyrics to "The Scientist", like yours? Your John/Aeryn icon is gorgeous, you see.

What kind of alarm clock do you have?

One of these little darlings, which my mom got for $30 at Sam's Club. I luuuurve Sam's Club. And I lurve my alarm clock, especially for its Nap function (though once you turn it on you can't turn it OFF, so heaven forbid if you decide you DON'T want to take a nap).

And "The Scientist" came onto my MP3 random-play a while ago; I've since put it on 'repeat' about seven times. Ooh, here I go again. *LOL*

[hils.livejournal.com]

You should tell us all who it was and we can go and bombard their journal with spam.

Hehe. Seriously though, the first time this happened I was really bothered by it but more often than not there's a totally logical reason. However, your response it a good one.

Re:

[rashaka.livejournal.com]

You should tell us all who it was and we can go and bombard their journal with spam.

Nah, they're really very nice.


Hehe. Seriously though, the first time this happened I was really bothered by it but more often than not there's a totally logical reason. However, your response it a good one.

My great lack of direct response then? best way I can figure doing it.

Re:

[hils.livejournal.com]

Well, I meant the

"Your loss puny fool"

But I didn't do anything either so I guess that's probably the best way to go

Re:

[rashaka.livejournal.com]

"Your loss puny fool!" was more for my own amusement amd mollifying my gaping wounds of traumatic abandonment... or just for my amusement. :)

[flickums.livejournal.com]

Stick a railroad spike through their head!

...or to a lesser extreme, just say..well...your loss, you puny fool!

If they were close to you, just simply ask them why they did it. Probably a logical explanation, as sibling has already pointed out.

Re:

[rashaka.livejournal.com]

you have a sibling on lj?

[spicedrum.livejournal.com]

I'm one of those people who thinks it's a bad idea to have that list entitled "Friends". It's more of a reading list. People get hung up on their large pack of "friends", and they sometimes feel hurt if someone takes them off the list, as they would feel if one of their actual friends did it.

I enjoy reading your journal, but, honestly, I don't know you from Adam, and if you took me off your list, I wouldn't feel bad about it. I might wonder why, but I know people (and I'm including myself here) are fickle. If someone isn't interested in me talking about how hungry I am or don't like me just posting icons 75% of the time, *shrug* There're plenty of other people that share my interests.

All this is to say, don't worry about it.

Re:

[rashaka.livejournal.com]

I'm one of those people who thinks it's a bad idea to have that list entitled "Friends". It's more of a reading list. People get hung up on their large pack of "friends", and they sometimes feel hurt if someone takes them off the list, as they would feel if one of their actual friends did it.

Interesting theory. It is sort of a misnomer, when you think about it. But that's ok, cause I was going to rename it soon anyway, when i changed styles.

[queenofthorns.livejournal.com]

What spicedrum said! I think it's a misnomer to call it a "friends" list because I'm not sure you can be someone's "friend" if you don't, for example, know their real name ;) Also, I find that a lot of my interests have changed over time and I don't feel like reading about some things any more so there you go. Don't take it personally!

For whatever it's worth

[mery-fr.livejournal.com]

To me, a friends list is mostly a reading list. I check some people's entries even though I haven't friended them, because I don't especially want to read their entries every day; every now and then I'll pop in and catch up.
I wouldn't mind if someone took me off their friends list, because my entries are anything but interesting and probably not something they're in the mood for an a regular basis. It's not really a personal matter, as far as I'm concerned; it's a question of frequency and regularity.
Then again, I'm relatively new to LJ, and my opinion might change overtime. Also, I'm still pretty ignorant as far as LJ etiquette is concerned; I'm trying to learn by observing.
/end 2 cents.

[juliet-demarcus.livejournal.com]

Seems like you have the friends' list question pretty much covered with all sorts of good advice. So, I just wanted to stop by to say, beautiful icon (and yes, great song as well). :-)

~*~JD

[rashaka.livejournal.com]

I wish I remembered who made the icon, but it was someone on my friend's list. It's shareable. :)

Just cuz.

[cavalaxis]

*hugs rashaka*

Just cuz.
L.

Re: Just cuz.

[rashaka.livejournal.com]

Huggles! I lurv huggles. The word would be happier with more huggles. ::hugggles back::

Re: Just cuz.

[cavalaxis]

::sheepish smile::

Pay it forward.
L.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_flaming_june_/]

Yeah, I know what you mean. It's easy to get all obsesso-girl about who has friended and unfriended you. I try not to, but still. I like the advice (above) about not thinking of it as a "friends" list. Maybe I'll rename mine. Anyway, I think you're right to go with the "your loss, puny fool!" thing. ;-)

Re:

[rashaka.livejournal.com]

hey, haven't talked to you in a while! Where you been?

[missmurchison.livejournal.com]

I recently unfriended someone because I realized I'd added her by accident. Her name was one letter off from the person I meant to add.

I suspect she was very relieved when I realized my mistake and removed her from my list. I looked at her entries and interests, and I suspect that she was freaking out about this weird person who'd decided to lurk on her LJ.

Re:

[rashaka.livejournal.com]

Ha! The horror stories of LJ. When friends lists go wrong.